It Called Me

There’s that moment when you sit down to write a blog post and try six different passwords before you get the right one. And then you realize it’s been a really long time since you posted.  There have been plenty of recipes made and plenty of updates to share, but the timing wasn’t right.  Until today.  When it called me (cue Moana soundtrack…because if you’re a mom it’s been on repeat in your car for months).

I don’t have a recipe to share and I don’t know what the future holds, but I did want to say hello.  And let you know that I’m still here after over a year of relative silence.

Last time I posted, I had a baby boy who was and is programmed to move in every fiber of his being but who had not yet figured out how to do it.  He was frustrated and a little grumpy and hated being confined.  He didn’t want to sleep, he wouldn’t sit in the stroller and he wasn’t thrilled to be in a carrier.  If I’m being honest, I was a little lost.  I couldn’t quite figure him out.  And I certainly didn’t have time to photograph our dinner, jot down a recipe, edit, and write something interesting whilst dealing with him and a particularly precocious two year old.  It was hard.  No one tells you how hard being a mommy can be.  It’s beautiful and it’s heart warming and I love them more than words can express but mom-ing is just hard sometimes.  And yet, I still want more.  So there’s got to be something to it.

So what did I do instead of writing?  I made something for him that he loved.  A blanket.  And then made one for a friend.  And then another friend wanted a bib.  And then a different friend wanted a headband and another wanted a car seat cover and Snuggle Up Buttercups became my creative outlet and I left my poor blog here in silence.  Snuggle Up Buttercups is my third baby and it’s getting bigger and stronger and more awesome every day.  But I’m a writer in my heart and here I am.  Because it called me.

Now the little one can not only move but he can run and climb and jump (kind of) and giggle and play and he is a joy.  And the big girl is growing and learning and becoming a little person before my eyes and she’s going to be four soon and I’m sitting here like *how did that happen already?*  Every day they make me smile and laugh and want to squeeze them tight and tell them to never grow up.  But many days they also make me want to scream and cry and pull my hair out.  Some days I feel like the best mom ever, and many I feel like a total failure.  Because, like I said, mom-ing is hard.

Oh and on top of all of that nonsense we moved.  To this beautiful house on a perfect cul de sac in a wonderful neighborhood which was everything I wanted and dreamed of.  Except it needed some updating.  Like the kitchen, which had blue countertops and mickey mouse hand drawer pulls (I kid you not my friends).  So on top of my babies and my shop baby, we’ve also been working on this big baby of a house.  And those blue countertops were not horribly photogenic for my food photos, so we recently swapped them out for white.  And it called me.

Have I sufficiently explained myself?  Are all of my excuses good enough?  I’m sorry I’ve been gone, but friends, it does feel good to be here now.  We’ll see if clicking to publish is quite as easy because there’s a lot of truth here and it’s not pretty or easy but there’s something cathartic about getting it out.

So maybe some recipes soon.  Or workout ideas.  Or DIY.  Or something more than nothing.  But in the mean time, Facebook and Instagram are way easier to update so follow along there if you want to be in the loop (especially if you happen to be planning a mermaid themed party…there will be a lot of crafting going down in the next few weeks).  And thank you to those who have hung around waiting.  I promise, I’ll be cooking up something soon.

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